Not Your Daddy’s Wine Opener

I was looking for a really useful, well-designed, no-fault wine bottle opener for my next party. I hate the little coil of metal with a tiny plastic top. They cost less than a dollar and are worth far less. You inevitably break the cork, which then descends to the bottom of the hapless bottle. I don’t think the upscale all chrome versions are that great, either. While they are sturdy and do the job, you have to exert a lot of pressure, also risking destroying the cork (which gets enmeshed in the metal coil never to return again to earth). God forbid your hand should slip and an accident of any import happen.

So what is a guy to do? Whether I am going to use this thing or a hired bartender, I want it to work fast and efficiently. I don’t want the embarrassment of downtime with guests patiently pacing in front of the bar like bulls pawing at the ground waiting for the matador to arrive.

As most enterprising Internet-savvy people do, I went online in search of the latest, greatest wine bottle opening gadget. I found one, and it is not your daddy’s wine opener, as described above. It is, in essence, an electric machine fashioned for the modern host. It is made by Waring, of kitchen appliance fame, so it has to be good. At under $40, it is affordable if it comes through. It looks high tech enough and will be pleasant to view on the kitchen or bar countertop. It is sleep, made of chrome, and easy to handle.

These electric openers come cheaper, but reliability is my middle name. This baby can open fifty bottles at a crack on one full battery charge. That’s right, no cord to get in anyone’s way. The operation is almost mindless. You turn a switch and voila! I love the brushed metal finish and believe the reviewer who says that it is easy to clean. I’m sure there are similar models with a shinier finish. Not one to be too matchy-matchy, this one is a winner and my pick.

It comes with a charging base of course, which is a good place to house it when it is not in use. But at a busy party, I imagine it will be playing hooky far from home. As an aside, it gets a full five-star rating from more than twenty customers. I give a lot of credence to what the public says as they have neither an axe to grind nor a promotional duty. So, my wine opener is a one-touch marvel that does its job in mere seconds. No broken cork sliding into the hell of the bottle sediment.

I suppose the expense would be unjustifiable if I didn‘t have guests for parties. When opening one bottle, you can make do. But when the going gets tough, there is a solution. It doesn’t take up much space and stores efficiently. Put it next to your wine rack or cool as the case may be. I also can’t think of a better gift for a wedding, birthday, or special holiday. It is practical enough to almost be a household requirement.

Daniel